so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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