First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
