"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh god the rape fog is back!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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