dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize