i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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