Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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