At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
