i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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