It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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