I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
