i think my mom watched the whole time
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
