I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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