wanna go halves on a baby?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
