Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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