btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
