you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
