the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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