Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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