So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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