He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
