Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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