I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You smell like stripper and shame
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize