I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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