is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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