You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
