Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All the doctor said was why
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize