Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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