im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
