Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
