one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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