He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
