I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
