I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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