i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
