I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
