Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
