i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
