Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I need help removing her.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
