I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
