Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
worst night to have a conscience
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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