Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
