One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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