I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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