Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want nice things and good sex
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
