My room smells like vodka and shame
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
