Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
