adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
