the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
