Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
