Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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