I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
