Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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