4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
