Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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