What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
