lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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