You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
