some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize