Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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