butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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