How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
