Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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