My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
