The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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