Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
