I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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