Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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