South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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