dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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