Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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