you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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