just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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