Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
