I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
