Just took my morning after pill in the library
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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