Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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