Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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